I was a dishwasher once and had a similar situation. One day I filled a paper doily with grease trap filth and chucked it at the most annoying guy there...it exploded into his hair, very funny stuff. He almost beat me up, though, and I was only saved by another cook who liked me, so don't try it if you don't have someone around for protection.
- Winky, the Magic Dog-Mule-Hare Catcher

I would recommend getting a different job. Just get out of the restaurant industry. Unless you own one or your a chef, it's just not worth it.
- jenji

Get a different job at a BETTER restaurant if possible. Then you can go back to that one, order some food, and continue to send it back complaining that it's undercooked, or other complaints. You can also then rant to a critic or become one and give a bad review... of course that'd be lying, but you said you wanted revenge. I am chalk full of a lot of diffent possibilities, but you said you didn't want to get fired or commit a crime!
- Jades41